Pilgrimage to Petite

i am Working for 215 for the Weekend

2009-11-11T20:29:00.000-06:00

This blog title was really a stretch. I'm running low on creativity tonight.

I just got done working out at House of Fitness and I feel great! I did about half an hour of resistance training (I think that's what it's called), which is lifting weights and stuff like that. Then I went 3/4 a mile on the treadmill.

Also, James and I just walked to the library because I need to work on my French (which has to be done on the library computer), but ALAS! The library is closed for church on Wednesdays. Of course. How could I forget? Silly me. Anyways, the point of that story is that walking over here really tired me.

I'm down 2 pounds since Monday and that was after I ate tonight and before I worked out. So hopefully more by tomorrow morning!

I had 6 cheese cubes, 10 whole-grain wheat thins (delicious) and 7 baby carrots today at 11:00am. Then, I had baked chicken tenderloins at 5:00. Now, I'm trying to curb the cravings with a Diet Dr. Pepper. Hopefully it will last me the night, and I'll have made it a whole day without cheating!!!

I feel much better today than I have in a while. Hopefully, I'm not too sore in the morning.

Last night was another very successful work out party. I had a blast with my girls Cayla G., Niki S., Kim S., Katie VS., Bailey T., and Talia M.!!! We did Sweatin' to the Oldies which is as you all know, one of my very favorites. I served baby carrots, celery sticks, grapes and cheese cubes- all of which were gobbled down!

We watched the last half of NBC's The Biggest Loser and it was pretty great. Talk about motivation! 3 of the contestants had lost 100 pounds as of last night- amazing. I would love to be able to drop everything else (school, practice, etc...) and just work out for weeks! That would be amazing.

If everyone feels like it, I may just make this Tuesday night thing quasi-permanent! All of you (my readers) are welcome to come to work out parties by the way. Let me know if any of you can come Tuesday the 17th at 8!

I'm losing weight right now but may not be to 215 by Saturday as I'm only at 219 right now. Unless I pull some crazy-sick working out on Friday night. I might be able to pull that off. It would be very difficult. But if Dr. Jones can ride his bike for 30 miles, I can certainly do something comparable. A crazy work out session might just be the ticket.

I hope this finds all of you motivated and in good spirits, and if it doesn't, please know you aren't alone.

Do the right thing today. Stay away from bad foods. DON'T. STOP. EXERCISING. See the big picture. Being healthy is better than ANY FOOD!

i'm not yet to the Point of Know Return*

2009-11-09T09:15:00.001-06:00

Well here I am again. Absence makes the heart grow fonder. I hope you all are more fond of me now.

I've figured out that I am now quite capable of maintaining weight. I could stay at this weight for months or years. This is something I didn't know how to do 4 years ago, or I wouldn't be writing this blog today! Maintaining weight means to not gain or lose more than 5 pounds. Staying put.

That said, I would like to think that at some point, maybe 6 months from now, maybe sooner or later, I will arrive at the Point of Know Return. This would be when I'm DONE losing weight, and am MAINTAINING weight instead. I know that I wouldn't ever let myself gain over 50 pounds again or even 10. I want to get to that point. Where I don't let it happen again. Where I keep control.

Right now, I still feel like I could just give up and it doesn't matter because even if I lost 20 pounds, I'd still be physically obese and nobody would notice. I guess I just have to lose 20 pounds several times. It seems like too much though.

One. Step. At. A. Time.

It's been a rough couple of weeks. Maybe that's karma coming back around for me deserting my blog and you, my readers. But then again, I don't actually believe in karma so scratch that.

Saturday morning I went to House of Fitness and did a bit of working out with Mark, who is a personal trainer. It was good, and I was glad to get back to exercising. But today, I'm paying the price and can hardly walk. SO sore. He told me though, that if my body gets used to the training, the soreness will go down. Of course, it's Monday morning, and I'm still barely walking. This really sucks.

The work-out party was a great success last Tuesday. To those of you who flaked out- you missed out and I will see you next time! We had a really great time. I want to have another one and SOON! I served fresh apple slices, grape tomatoes, celery, and grapes. This Tuesday night is a HUGE possibility.

I'm looking forward to being able to purchase a dress size for my senior recital that doesn't embarrass me. I'd be ecstatic to squeeze into a 12. Did you know that the average size of a woman in the United States is a 12-14? Not that I should strive for that. I need to be smaller. But if I was AT LEAST a 12, I'd be in good company instead of out in Fat Women's Land, where life is miserable and the food is delicious.

On the ever-popular subject of dresses, Quail Springs mall has NO floor-length gown with a full skirt. NOTHING! All of the high schoolers wear short dresses now. I'm so upset. My dresses for the recital NEED to be grandiose. Rhapsody in Blue DESERVES more than a cocktail smock. It calls for much more. I will have to go look at Penn Square, as they tend to have better selection on the floor in their department stores.

Hopefully I can fit into either one of my bridesmaids' dresses or my Junior Recital dress for Cocoa & Carols. I better get on it...

I'm going to set a specific goal now (SCARY). I think this will be helpful to me though. I will be down to 215 pounds by Saturday. I know that I can do this. SEND ME ENCOURAGEMENT!

Lately I've been thinking about the OVERWHELMING and SEEMINGLY IMPOSSIBLE goals: a) the 100+ pages of music I have to learn and record for my grad school auditions before December (on top of my sr. recital stuff), b) losing 60+ pounds, c) writing my research paper, d) actually graduating from OC.

All of that combined with just day-to-day stress of being alive is too much for one person. But, I have God on my side, and He may not be able to do my homework (though I believe He could if He really wanted to), but he can bring me peace, self-control, wisdom, and patience if I ask for those things. And those are what I need to accomplish what needs to be done. EVERYONE has stress, but we have to choose to rise above and it's really hard to do that alone.

Crashing and burning has felt so comfortable and almost imminent to me these last couple of weeks, but I must say, having James around really makes me work and keep on truckin'. I haven't fallen into depression since we've been married, which is a miracle. James is so special and I wish someone just like him, for every one of you readers.

James is the boat. I'm the captain under the influence. I make a lot of bad choices, but ultimately, he keeps me afloat.

* No, this isn't spelled wrong- it's a reference to a Kansas song.

Blig Bog

2009-10-26T20:57:00.000-05:00

I found a new recipe I like on the show Diet Tribe (Lifetime). It's basically Fried Chicken, but healthier. Use Chicken Breast Tenderloins, dip them in milk and season them (pepper, salt, or seasoning salt) and then cover in crushed up Corn Flakes. Put them in the oven at 400 degrees for 45 minutes. Even James liked them! It's crispy and crunchy, as if you're eating the most delicious, unhealthy KFC.

James and I just got back from Texas, visiting grad schools. I had steak last night at Black Eyed Pea. Black Eyed Pea used to be where P.F. Changs is now. It was delicious. I had a salad for lunch. It was...a salad.

I think I over exerted my body Saturday morning. I did Jillian Michaels Friday night AND Saturday morning and couldn't walk late Saturday night or Sunday. My legs are feeling better today but I think I need to go further in between workouts.

I'm having a workout party tomorrow night, which I'm really excited about. I should be good to go by then for working out again.

Helplessly Hoping for a Change

2009-10-23T20:17:00.003-05:00

*This isn't encouraging- I'm sorry in advance. I'm just trying to be honest. These are my thoughts. Here we go. This was written with tears.*

I can't get my life together.

I feel like I can't control this.

I'm not who God wants me to be.
I'm not who my husband needs me to be.
I'm not who I need to be for my friends and family.

And it's my fault. It's my body. I have the power to change it. And I don't. It's the root of all of my problems. I know exactly how to fix this, and yet, I don't.

Somewhere along the way, something happened. But I don't care. I got to college, I stopped caring, and therefore I destroyed my body in the process. I was burned enough that I didn't have the decency or self-respect to do what I need to do to be the best version of myself.

I'm mediocre. I don't perform to the best of my ability. Have I hit my peak?

I've let deceit take over my weight loss and I've cheated myself. I've cheated everyone around me who have done nothing but support me.

I'm a failure at doing the right thing and losing weight like I know I can. I've lost weight before. What's wrong with me now?

I don't deserve the more-than-daily encouragement and accountability I've been receiving for free, because I just ignore it. I take it for granted. I've taken all of you for granted, and I'm sorry. I'm very sorry.

I feel like my weight problems are linked to my psyche. It's like, no matter what I do, no matter how many people I hurt, I still make bad decisions. Who DOES that?

I don't know where to go from here.

I'm wasting my wonderful life away because I can't be honest with myself, work hard, and commit to something.

Do Not Walk This Way for You Will Surely Be Subject to Peer Pressure by a Bag of M&Ms

2009-10-19T20:29:00.001-05:00

Today I walked away from a free, delicious bag of M&Ms.

A very persuasive bag of M&Ms.

Just say no to obesity, children.

Just Write Down Johnny Applehead and Be Done With It!

2009-10-12T21:44:00.001-05:00

Today at Steelman, I was down 4 pounds from Friday! This counts me down 9 pounds from the starting weight. I'm going to do much better this week too. I (once again) am stepping up my exercise. I did 30 minutes on the stationary bike yesterday while watching The Godfather, and I did about 45 minutes of exercise today- a combination of walking and WiiFitting.

In other news, my wedding photographer has finally (just about) finished with pictures!!!!! There's a sneak peek on her website: Sneak Peek! The cds will come in tomorrow (hopefully) with over 650 pictures to look at. I'm very excited. We'll have a picture-viewing extravaganza at my parents' house probably tomorrow evening. Everyone is invited!

Of course, you all may not care about this kind of thing. I'm psyched!

James and I walked at Lake Hefner today. I STILL wish I had a bike, as I've been asking for one for Christmas and birthdays since college started. I really want to be riding a bicycle around. Sigh.

I'm really hoping my senior recital can be in February. IF I can get it done that early, then I can do the opera (in Dr. Adams' dreams...) But seriously, I'd like to be in the cast this year if I can finish my recital up. Here's what the repertoire is looking like so far:

Sonata in A Flat Major K. 127 L. 186- Scarlatti

Sonata in F Major K. 332- Mozart (all 3 movements)

Nocturne in F Minor Op. 55 No. 1- Chopin

Mazurka ______-Chopin (I can't think of the opus# off the top of my head)

Étude Op. 10, No. 12 (Revolutionary)- Chopin

Rhapsody in Blue- Gershwin

Vocal Jazz- TBA

Grad-school is stressing me out. If anyone has any advice, PLEASE send it my way. I'm new at this!

Fhatsody in Blue

2009-10-06T22:03:00.001-05:00

I used one of James's titles for today's blog.

As usual, I'm exhausted.

I just got through playing the Spooktacular concert with the Oklahoma Community Orchestra. I played organ and piano on the Phantom of the Opera medley. It was an excellent concert and I loved all of the music! Judd Theater was PACKED with people standing on both sides! I love when lots of people come to hear classical music. It calms my soul to know that the arts is somewhat thriving where I live!

I cheated a couple of times on my diet this weekend but I'm back on track. AGAIN, I'm going to re-commit to my working-out (and my diet for that matter), as I feel it helps me a lot.

I suppose commitment has to be about every individual day. A DAILY commitment to do my best. That's important in weight loss. One. Day. At. A. Time.

That said, tomorrow is going to be GREAT! Thank you GOD for tomorrows!

I felt fat today. In this blue shirt. I'm tired of feeling fat. I feel like I want to hide on days like that. When I feel fat, I don't want anyone to see me or talk to me- even my close friends or family. It makes life difficult. Somedays, it's just hard to put on the confidence and know that I have a BRILLIANT personality and lots of friends. I just feel. Fat. Put a brown bag over my head, someone, please.

In other news, as James and I were driving to the library this afternoon, a bee entered the car.

I was driving.

You can imagine, I'm sure, the chaos that ensued. I stayed relatively calm until Bee-lezebub flew up front and LANDED ON MY HAND!

My sub-conscious instantly reacted with flailing and screaming, I slammed on the brakes (unknowingly), and my car went screeching past the pond, towards the bible building. I'm so glad I didn't hit a pedestrian. I'm also glad the bee didn't sting me.

Bee jerk.

Beef jerky.

mmm.

food. delicious. savory. unhealthy food.

NO NO NO NO NO NO NO

I better go and distract myself from food. I'm going to work out again before I crash. I did 30 minutes of Free Step on the Wii (2,988 steps!!!) while I talked to James about Grad School Visiting plans! More on that later.

Love to you all for reading my blog!

P.S.- I'm going to try and have my Senior Recital towards the end of February! I'll keep you all posted. It's sure to be the big failure event of 2010!!!

Waiting on the Weight to Change

2009-10-03T19:19:00.000-05:00

Hello everyone! I apologize for the absence this week. It was definitely one of those weeks. I have been battling this upper-respiratory thing since last Friday- still having painful coughing. All of that has really exhausted me and school is of course, full of shenanigans.

Thank goodness for James. He knows me. He gets me. He (smartly) took me to the Zoo today- just what I needed. We saw all of the best animals and I was so happy to get away from the stress of homework and things like that.

Since my beginning weight (last Thursday), I've lost 8 pounds. This is excellent, as the clinic told me to expect to lose 1/2 a pound to 1 pound a day. I've cheated my diet a couple of times but I've also had a lot of success (obviously). I've gotten back into some exercise routine with the Wii Fit. This is feeling really good to me, because I need the exercise to feel good and healthy and right with the world.

I'm trying to be patient with the weight loss. One of the tricks for me is staying committed. I can commit. I can commit. I can commit. I can commit. I can commit... Anyone can lose a measly 8 pounds. Losing ten 8s is the trick.

I'm trying to keep up in school. It's proving very difficult. I have a really hard time "jumping through the hoops" I'm given. I know that I HAVE to have Biology and Philosophy to graduate. It's just that I don't care. I'm going to graduate school. I am going to learn about my profession- music. Every class will be specialized- Opera History, Advanced French Diction, German Lieder... These are the kind of classes I need to be in! Soon enough...

I'm trying to get in at least a couple hours of practicing every day. I have this thing called a Senior Recital coming up- no big... I'm working on the Revolutionary Etude, Rhapsody in Blue, a Mozart Sonata and some other stuff. It's really very daunting. It's still not as hard as losing weight or putting effort into general education courses as a married, 5th year undergrad.

Now, I'm going to demand some feedback here. Remember my challenge? Have you all succeeded in giving something up? Comment what it was or what it's going to be this time! Some suggestions: cokes, fast food, eating late at night...

i am not the Human Of The Year because i'm fat

2009-09-27T16:26:00.000-05:00

I've been doing a bit of decorating this weekend. The walls in Phase 6 are SO white, and the floor is SO boring. Too bad we're not allowed to paint. I could do SO much more. BUT, I won't be here too long. I've come to the conclusion that it's harder to make a Phase 6 apartment look homy, than it is for a Phase 2 apartment. The ceilings are higher and there's more awkward wall space.

I lost like, half a pound yesterday. It doesn't feel like much though. It will be interesting to weigh in in the morning tomorrow at Steelman to see how the weekend treated me. By the way, I've been sick all weekend. Since Thursday, really. I hope I recover by tomorrow because I need my strength and energy for practicing.

And for school, I guess.

I always wonder WHERE I'm losing weight. Which part of my body is actually losing poundage? It's hard to tell until you hit about -20 lbs. I think.

I mean, I would hope that the weight that's going away is from my stomach or my legs or something like that- "The Problem Areas". It's probably from my boobs though. I'll probably lose like, 8 pounds from my boobs and everything else will stay the same. That would be so infuriating.

Nobody CARES if you have big boobs. Just big anything else is considered to be an embarrassment. Too bad about that.

Too bad.

When I Throw Up, I Want to be Famous, I Want to be a Star, I Want to be in Movies

2009-09-25T11:07:00.002-05:00

Just to clarify:

Artists I love, that I've used in blog titles in the past: Garth Brooks, Queen, Keith Urban, Beyonce, The Temptations, Elton John, Pink Floyd, Michael Jackson, N'Sync, Ben Folds, Ray Charles, Led Zeppelin, Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young, Billy Joel, The Beatles

Artists I don't like at all but the song title was too humorous and relevant to pass up: The Pussycat Dolls

It's very obvious that this daily shot I'm getting has hormones in it. I cried when I got in my car on the way home from Steelman this morning. I was excited and even tweeted about how I've lost 4 pounds since yesterday afternoon. It must have been a happy cry. Of course, I bawled the first 30 minutes of Grey's last night...

Do you know what? I deserve to lose 4 pounds. I deserve that. Now I just need to lose 4 pounds like, 17 more times. EASY!

Now, in reference to my title...

I barfed up my multi-vitamin last night. AND of course, it was like the 1st 3 minutes of Grey's. Luckily for me, being an avid Grey's Anatomy fan, I'd already seen ABC's 1st Look, which was the 1st 5 minutes of the season premiere. Thank goodness! But this vitamin...it's disgusting. It's the biggest, smelliest, most disgusting pill I've ever encountered in all of my drugging. I talked to the doctor about it this morning and she said I can get some over-the-counter Centrum, and that might be easier to take.

I ate a chicken breast yesterday. Half at lunch, and half at dinner. I seasoned it with garlic & herbs. It was okay. I had lettuce and half of a banana at lunch, and then lettuce/tomato with the OTHER half of the banana for dinner.

500 calories/day.

That's it! Also, I had a black tea from Starbucks, and half of a Diet Dr. Pepper. I HAD to get that nasty pill and vomit taste out of my mouth so I resorted to a Diet Dr. Pepper. Now, I still consider diet sodas to be a disgusting joke, but as they are allowed on my diet, I didn't have anywhere else to turn for something potent. No juice, no coke, no alcohol. BUT tea, coffee, and diet drinks are okay. Sigh.

I tried to steal an ice-cream sandwich from James last night. He came and sat in my lap and when I realized he was eating an ice-cream sandwich- I said "GIVE THAT HERE! I'M GOING TO EAT THAT ICE-CREAM SANDWICH FORTHWITH!" He didn't. I didn't eat the sandwich. I really wasn't hungry though. Then I got a Diet Dr. Pepper.

Hopefully Centrum vitamins won't come back out of my mouth when I take them. Anyone ever tried them? Are they difficult to take?

The Thunder texas roadhouse Rolls are delicious

2009-09-24T08:55:00.004-05:00

As much as I don't want to stop loading, I'm really sick of loading. TODAY is the new diet!!

House Season Premiere was AWESOME! Adam and Talia came over to watch it with me, and then James, Niki, and Katy joined us before Robbie joined us all and we got ICE CREEEEEAM (my last)!

After being penetrated by 5 needles this week already, I'm ready to start LOSING pounds off of my body. I would like to lose them in my thighs. Also in my stomach. I would lose them with a fox and I would lose them in a box. I would lose them in a house; I would lose them with a mouse. I would lose them here or there; I would lose them ANYWHERE!

I made my lunch and dinner portion of meat this morning. Chicken Breast with garlic & herb seasoning. I'll eat 3.5 oz. at lunch, and the rest at dinner. I'm also going to have a salad with tomatoes and lettuce, and a banana today. I wish I could eat carrots and green beans on this diet. The vegetables available to me are: spinach, chard, chicory, beet-greens, green salads, tomatoes, celery, fennel, onions, red radishes, cucumbers, asparagus, cabbage, broccoli, cauliflower or zucchini.

YUCK!

Oh well. I guess I'll just have to get used to it.

I had 2 hamburgers yesterday. They were delicious. One was at Braum's for lunch with Katie, and the other was Texas Roadhouse with James. James and I also ate 3 baskets of rolls. I know, I know... but I was supposed to be loading. That's it! My last bread for over 2 months. Of course, it was totally delicious. Texas Roadhouse rolls were a good way to go.

We'll see how today goes. It will probably suck, but Grey's Anatomy starts tonight, so I will be sure to take some consolation there.

Fat-Bottomed Girls: the shots don't hurt for us!

2009-09-22T12:16:00.000-05:00

So, I feel a little bit guilty, but I'm supposed to be "loading" until Thursday, which is the official 1st day of my 500-calorie/day diet. "Loading" is eating foods (even high-fat), for the 1st 3 days I'm on the shots and the pills. This ensures that my fat cells and appetite center in the brain are receiving adequate calories at the same time as they're being programmed by the HCG.

If you REALLY want more information on this, I'd be happy to tell you but for the sake of my blog's entertainment purposes...I won't go much further into detail.

So, I went to the Steelman Clinic yesterday for my 1st day. They drew blood for a lab, which hurt horribly (it always does). My arm was tingly all day. But then, I got the 1st SHOT right at the top of my butt and I could hardly feel it. This may or may not be because I'm bootylicious. I'm not sure. Theories are welcome.

I'm so excited that the shot didn't really hurt. That will make this diet a piece of cake, right?... haha...yeah right.

I'll be going in 5 times a week for a shot. I'm also taking a multi-vitamin BOLUS, potassium, and calcium supplements. I'm going to be cutting pretty much all dairy, pasta, sweets, bread, and fatty foods. Should be interesting.

I wasn't sure whether to be hopeful or just annoyed at all of the THIN women in the waiting room at Steelman. Had they BECOME thin on the program? Were they just thin and THOUGHT they needed to lose weight? I'm not sure.

I found out that former EMHS principal, Kyle Heath, lost 75 lbs. on this program. Random, right? Does anyone remember the Kyle's Kid's Klub sign that was made sometime junior year?

Grey's Anatomy starts on Thursday night and I'm PUMPED! Watch party at my house if you all want to come over! I might pull out my WiiFit and step during the show, or maybe my stationary bike.

** Someone remind me to do this during the show! **

Remember when I was afraid to weigh myself on Saturday (or whenever that was)? I was 2.5 lbs. down!

Jan B. has lost 11 lbs. and is looking like a HOT MAMA!

Also, OC's very own Dr. Heath J. has lost at least 28 lbs. since the summertime! He and Elizabeth J. are working really hard to get healthy. props to them.

A tip Dr. J. gave me: eat spicy foods. Apparently they boost your metabolism!

Anyone else made any exciting progress? Please comment!

Who Wouldn't Want to Be Me? A skinny person.

2009-09-17T22:48:00.001-05:00

I'm coming clean tonight, readers. I have not stuck to my diet and exercise very well this week. The exercise has kind of been non-existent, and the eating has been a little more relaxed than normal. This is due to me being uncommitted, slightly stressed, tired from school, and just a little bit unorganized. I usually weigh-in every day, but I haven't since Sunday because I'm too scared. I don't want to know how much I may have gained.

In light of that bad news, I DO have an exciting announcement. I'm going BACK to the Steelman Clinic starting Monday morning. James and I have been saving up and will be able to pay for the whole 10-week program up front, which is really cool, because I stopped going last time because of money.

I originally went to the Steelman Clinic with my Mom back in 2007. I lost 20 lbs. the 1st half of the program, but we couldn't afford to keep going and a lot of crazy stuff was going down during that time in my life. So...I quit going, and over the next year gained back the 20 lbs. + about another 20.

The program I'm enrolled in is specifically for people who have over 40 lbs to lose. It's a different program than the one I was on before- more intense. I have 2 options- the daily sublingual drops, or the daily shots. I am going to ask the doctor on Monday which one is most effective and go with that. If I go with the shots, I will see the doctor app. 5 times a week. Anyways, the clinic does lab-work and follows my progress and cholesterol and all sorts of stuff like that. I will also be eating off a very specific, low-cal, diet plan.

I'm feeling a bit optimistic about this- especially after how badly this week went. We talked about me going to Steelman again this past summer, but it's finally a reality, which is really awesome.

I will let you all know how it goes on Monday and what I'm going to be eating and such! It's going to be good to get back on with a new program and all. I'm excited for the strict rules...

Challenge for you all: Cut ONE, SPECIFIC, UNHEALTHY, food/drink COMPLETELY out of your diet the next month, and see how it effects your health! Some popular examples would be: French Fries, Coke, Chips, or Beer. I lost about 8 lbs. once a few years ago when I gave up Coca Cola for a couple of weeks. I was drinking A LOT of Coke back then...

Happy living!

I Can't Wait to Put My Freakum Dress On

2009-09-15T22:57:00.003-05:00

In the wise words of Beyoncé Knowles:

hold out your back; time to impress
pull out your freakum dress

Oh--- put your freakum dress on

Oh--- put your freakum dress on

every woman's got one
shut it down when the time's come
pull out the big gun and
put your freakum dress on

Now, *The Golden Dress* is not, by definition a freakum dress. I will be purchasing a freakum dress (no doubt) when I reach my goal. Or maybe, I'll get it before then and have it READY for the goal. The idea of going out to buy a new freakum dress in a size 8 is really cheering me up. I should save up. I'm going to save up and go get it. Because when you put it on it's an invitation, when they play your song get on up and shake it, work it out your back you don't have to waste it, spin it all around then take it to the ground...

I digress.

*commence living room dancing to Beyoncé*

I digressed again! Okay, now I'm back. 3:15 of working out right there folks! YES!

MAY I PRESENT TO YOU...THE GOLDEN DRESS!

Now, there are MANY reasons I'm obsessed with this dress:

Two of my favorite pictures of Buster are the pictures where I'm wearing this dress. I feel like I match his golden fur and I just love it. He was the best dog, as you all know.
It's a size 6. Anyone wish for that? I'm guessing so. OH, to be smashed into a size 6. I'd do a lot for that (except workout and eat right).
It's just a beautiful gown. I've never seen another person wear that dress. It's unique to my taste and I loved being special and solo in my wearing of that dress (the ONE time I wore it).
It was expensive.
I look like a beautiful princess in the gown. Very royal.

IF I ever reach my goal (it's never going to happen, I'm hopeless and drowning in despair), I will be wearing that dress.

To wherever I need to go on that day.

I'll wear the golden dress during the day.

And

put

freakum

dress

that

night...

Ladies, look here. When you've been with your man for a long time, every now and then you gotta go in the back of your closet and pull out that freakum dress...

Writing this blog just cheered me up. I was very depressed when I started it out.

Ain't Too Proud to Beg for Another Sunkist

2009-09-14T23:32:00.001-05:00

There was a serious lack of comments on my last blog. So, I left a couple of days to give you all a chance to comment, but alas... Come on, people! Don't leave me hanging.

I'm feeling lackadaisical about writing this blog tonight. This may be related to the lack of comments on my last blog. This may be related to my mediocre attempts at accomplishing any weight loss between Saturday night and Monday. I slacked a little. It's probably a combination of both.

I also had a breakdown tonight concerning my Philosophy homework. I spent quite some time reading something I was not comprehending. Not only is the subject matter complicated, but, the textbook is very confusing to me. It's a guy who writes about a guy who explains why this other guy's opinions are wrong. I hate it. I finished about 1/3rd of the reading/questions, and will try to finish it tomorrow at the Nowlin.

I don't like not being good at things. Here are the things I suck at:

Philosophy Homework

Losing Weight

Playing the Trumpet

Commitment

Math

I'm pretty much the best at everything else. ; ) (not really)

Anyway, I'm a little behind on everything right now. This makes my mental state a little bit fried, thus the lack of focus in this blog. I haven't finished making my huge practice chart for piano. I need to do this, so that I can make sure and practice the right things at the right time. I have thousands of measures of difficult music to learn in a really short period of time and I need to get on it. Plus, I have to balance all of this with my social life. That is difficult, as many of my friends are no longer college students. It changes things a bit.

I'm going back to the Steelman Clinic starting probably next week. This is the place I went for a couple of months in 2007, and as a result, lost about 20 lbs. This time, I'm doing the more strenuous program they have. There are daily shots, and the diet consists of 500 calories/day. It's intense, but I'm excited. I'll write another blog soon with more details about Steelman Clinic...

I drank a can of Sunkist Orange really fast (apparently) on Sunday night. On the way out the door to go to Wal-Mart with Robbie, James noticed I already had a second can I was about to open. I really wanted to drink it. He took it from me. Even though I asked really nicely for it back. And subsequently begged. I suppose it's fine that I didn't drink it.

I Would Like to be a Tiny Dancer

2009-09-11T23:17:00.004-05:00

Good evening friends!

I really love to dance. I think that if you don't know that about me, then we really probably don't really know each other. To me, dancing represents freedom. It's the physical way of expressing or interpreting music. Plus, I have some pretty dope moves. Now, don't get me wrong, my brain enjoys analyzing every note and rhythm of every song ever composed, but moving my body to that music is just...well, it's freedom. It's a different way of enjoying music.

I suppose that not everyone is born with "rhythm". These people don't usually like to dance or sometimes even don't like music because they can't "feel it". Some of these people go to our church. They do not like the Instrumental Service. I am not one of these people. I know them, though. I feel pity for them, because my inner-rhythm is such an immense and vibrant part of my existence.

I have this theory, that people don't like to watch fat people dance. Unless they're making fun of fat people- which makes sense, I suppose (as harsh as it may sound). It's just kind of gross, for obvious reasons. THIS is another excellent reason (among many) for me to continue working my butt off (literally) to lose this weight. Of course, I had a huge butt when I weighed 80 lbs. less than I do now. It won't go away. It won't be worked off.

*Sigh*

Now, somehow, I have maintained much more confidence (at least, in spurts) than the average obese person typically does after gaining a lot of weight. I'm a performer, after all, and I'm extremely gifted. This keeps me feeling like I'm legitimate- like I have a reason to be confident. Whether or not that's true is a matter of opinion. Of course, that comes and goes, like it does for most people. So, I haven't ever stopped dancing even though I became fat at some point. I just can't help it.

I DO however, have a slight sense of embarrassment or self-consciousness when I break out into dances at various times & places, because of my weight now. Something I didn't have before. So the question is, how could anyone TRULY enjoy dancing, if they're overweight? They can't. Because it's a little embarrassing. And if dancing is about freedom, then how could self-consciousness be involved? The freedom is diminished. I miss it.

There is a particular video of a Magrill party from high school and I'm dancing and smiling with some people. I'm not sure who was filming but for some reason the camera is on me for a little too long. It may be New Year's or Talia's birthday (anyone remember?) It's the one, where we're dancing where the grand piano is now, and I think I'm wearing a green shirt. There's music playing. Possibly, junior year. And, I remember that night very well- I had no inhibitions or reasons to be embarrassed. Now, this wasn't the "skinniest" point in my life, but it was app. 70 lbs. down from my current state. I was very cute, and having so much fun. I try to look at this as one possible source of inspiration. I was not concerned with the world around me in that moment.

I was IN it.

Dancing.

For hours.

With total abandon for any bodily limitations.

I didn't have any.

Freedom.

These little things keep me moving toward my goals. They say to have skinny pictures of yourself to look at every day helps with motivation. This is true as well. Remember those size 8 jeans? I have pictures of myself wearing them. New Year's Party. Van Osdol's Release Party. Quail Talent Show. There's also ***the golden dress***. No time to go into detail there, but you all know how much I want to put that dress on again.

If I Were a Boy, Picking Clothes Out Everyday Would Be a Simpler Process

2009-09-10T23:28:00.000-05:00

I've stolen the 1st part of my blog from a link that my dear friend Niki sent me. I enjoyed reading it and feel that at least one of these could relate to several of my readers!

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1. SNACK, BUT SMARTLY

Grazing between meals used to be on the weight-loss hit list. But nutritionists now know that it's better to satisfy a craving with healthy grub than ignore it and risk a junk-food binge later. The best picks are filling, protein-packed snacks, such as one stick of string cheese, a tablespoon of peanut butter on a piece of fruit, or a medium-size bowl of edamame.

2. TURN OFF THE TV

Dining while viewing can make you take in 40 percent more calories than usual, reports a new study. And texting, driving, or any other distracting activity during a meal can also result in your eating too much. Instead, make each meal something you put on a plate and sit down to, even if you're eating solo.

3. STEP ON THE SCALE DAILY

If your regular weight increases several days in a row, it's a red flag letting you know you need to cut back a little or beef up your workouts slightly.

4. SCULPT THREE TIMES A WEEK

Doing 5 minutes each of push-ups, lunges, and squats (in 30-second intervals) will help build and maintain muscle mass. The more muscle you have, the higher your metabolism will be, so you'll torch more calories as you go about your day.

5. REACH FOR YOUR CELL

Next time your mind gets stuck on a certain food, call a friend and redirect your brain by asking how her day's going. Research shows that cravings only last about 5 minutes, so by the time you hang up, the urge to devour junk will have subsided.

6. EAT A BIG, BALANCED BREAKFAST

An a.m. meal made up mostly of carbs and protein with some fat keeps blood-sugar levels steady and hunger pangs away so you're not susceptible to pigging out come lunch, studies show. Opt for something satisfying for your stomach and taste buds — like egg whites and turkey bacon with whole-wheat toast.

7. WATCH THE BOOZE

One innocent-looking margarita or cosmopolitan can rack up hundreds of calories that do nothing to quench your appetite. Treat yourself just on the weekends and cut back somewhere else or stick to a glass of wine, light beer, or vodka and soda — three drinks that each have about 100 calories per serving.

8. HAVE FRUIT TWICE A DAY

Fruit has no fat and is mostly water, so it'll fill you up while leaving less room on your plate (and in your stomach) for high-cal fare. Don't freak about fruit's carb count — we're talking the good kind of carbohydrates that contain lots of healthy fiber.

9. STAY ASLEEP LONGER

Getting to bed just 30 minutes earlier and waking up 30 minutes later than you normally do can help you make better food choices, researchers report. Also, when you're well-rested, you're less prone to snacking out of fatigue or stress.

10. VISUALIZE YOURSELF THIN

When you feel your willpower breaking, conjure up a mental picture of yourself when you looked and felt slim. The visual motivation keeps you focused on your goal weight and reminds you that it isattainable, since you've achieved it before.

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In other news...

Nothing new really. I'm still basically at the same weight as last time (4ish days ago). I'm working out in the morning with Bailey. That will be good.

School is stressing me out. I'm just not cut out for anything other than music. It's what I'm good at. Plus, I HATE getting called on in class. It doesn't matter what class, really. I freeze up and get really nervous. I can't do public speaking either. Why is this? At what point in my life did this happen? I perform all of the time, so I'm not sure why I get nervous talking in front of people. Anyways, my back is feeling tense when I leave my classes- probably due to a lot of things: the pressures of being in a class where I might get called on, my backpack is heavy, and I'm overweight. They all play a part.

Last night we played Beatles Rock Band (which was released yesterday). We had a copy on reserve. I made healthy foods and set them up and had [James], Adam, Cayla, Katie, Robbie, SB, and Niki over. Katie and I made Parmesan Bruschetta, Fruit-Topped Ritz with Pineapple Cream Cheese and some other stuff. We all took turns playing and singing and had a really good time. I can't wait to get all my practicing and homework for this weekend accomplished, so that I can play some more! DIG A PONY!

I'm exhausted again. Getting up before 7am every day is...Well, my feelings on this are so strong that I'm now speechless.

Getting up before 7am every day is you fill in the blank. Be creative!

My Feet Have Become (Un?) Comfortably Numb

2009-09-08T23:14:00.001-05:00

I worked out like, 3 times today. I also ate Chinese Food for dinner. I don't think it will end up balancing out, unfortunately. I DID, however, abstain from cokes today. Well, mostly. I got a Coke with my Jimmy John's and drank about 1/3 of it and then gave it to James to take away. Which really, for me, is abstaining from cokes. I could drink Coke all day. I mean, just sip on it ALL day.

My feet are burning. They just BURN. I have good shoes for exercising too. I came to the conclusion about 30 pounds ago though, that once you're a certain weight, your feet just HURT. Everything hurts them. Wearing shoes, not wearing shoes, wearing sandals...I actually can't wear heels anymore- not that I was a pro before all of the weight gain, but still. I like dressing up but it always feels pointless once I remember that I don't have shoes to wear that look good. I usually wear flip-flops, because my feet are more claustrophobic than they are in pain.

I bought Dr. Scholl's heel-specific insole things for the wedding day and put them in my gorgeous shoes. It was a WASTE of money. When we were up there for the ceremony, I could FEEL my legs just trembling underneath my (thankfully) large and rather puffy wedding dress. I was doing some major shifting of the weight under there. I have such good stage presence. That's the only way I got through that.

I suppose that being a performer makes you able to deal with that kind of situation. I can think of a number of shows and performances where I was having a costume malfunction or just painful shoes on my feet, but I didn't let the audience know!

If you have EVER lived with me or spent enough time around me, you'll know that as soon as I get home from anywhere, I just take things off. Especially shoes- they are the 1st to go. My feet just don't like shoes- possibly because they hurt. Of course, I wore flip-flops year round when I was "skinny", but I think that was because I was kind of a casual dresser at that time in my life.

So the irony of this whole thing, is that the more you weigh, the more it HURTS to walk (even short distances) or to exercise, which in turn, makes it feel horribly impossible to do.

I think to myself, "If only I weighed xxx lbs., then I would work out ALL the time without a problem!" But I'm pretty sure working-out is a struggle for people of all weights. Of course, I would love to work out and NOT be in pain. Eh, whatever- I'm far from that ever happening again. One. Tiny. Step. At. A. Time. (boo!)

* insert joke to end blog light-heartedly *

I Don't Really Like The woMan in the Mirror

2009-09-06T20:51:00.000-05:00

Happy Sunday, everyone!

I'm here, working in the Nowlin Center from 8-12 tonight. It looks like it's going to be an exciting night. When I arrived at what I think was about 7:57, there were 1700 people lined up at the door tapping their toes at me... no I'm actually exaggerating. In fact, one of my readers Amy B., was here! I think she was retrieving something from the printer.

But seriously, I think they should just have the Nowlin open ALL DAY on Sunday. We OC students shouldn't have to conform to a schedule that a few popular churches keep. Not even HALF of the undergraduate students here attend CoCs in the area on Sunday or Wednesday nights, so why on earth would we shut down for 6 extra hours a week? It's beyond me.

Keep the Nowlin Open All Day on Sunday and Wednesday!!!!!

Now that you know how I really feel...

I may have taken in a few extra carbs this weekend. I've stayed at/under my calories for the day, but I really need to step it up tomorrow on my workouts!!!!!!

Tomorrow I'm going to practice 2:30- 4:00. Then I'm going workout after band at 5:00. Yes- it's a plan!

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Now for some shout-outs:
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- one of my best friends, Bailey T., has a WONDERFUL blog : Midwest Meets Manhattan

- a friend from high school, Emily K. just graduated and is on track to be a dietician. She gave me a tip for a legit cookbook: The Healthy Beef Cookbook. Hopefully, she can help me and you all in turn, distinguish some myths from truths about everyday nutrition!

- Jan B., my mom, has shed a whopping 4 lbs. this week. I'm very proud of her.

So, one of my brothers, Adam, just ordered and began the P90x workout system. He showed it to us today and it's awesome! I don't know if I would ever be strong enough to even ATTEMPT the kind of crazy they have going on. He is going to be SUPER BUFF in 90 days if all goes according to plan!

Tearin' Up My Heart Eating Large Quantities of Red Meat

2009-09-05T14:17:00.000-05:00

James is making me write a blog of legitimacy after last night's blog. I was really out of it. Just not in the sentence-forming mood. Wow, that last sentence wasn't even a sentence.

I'm writing early today because I'm about to leave for my LAST OC Band Retreat. So, I'll be out of town tonight, roughing it out in Geary, Oklahoma with a bunch of band nerds. They really are nerds, but I guess that's okay, because I am kind of a nerd myself. What am I even saying? I'm a complete nerd- I'm BLOGGING for cryin' out loud!

A shout-out to my friend Elizabeth J., who is celebrating her birthday today! Elizabeth has lost 5 pounds in her weight loss goal recently- congrats!

Jan, Bethany and I played WiiFit last night and had a great time. First we went to Louie's, which is a delicious restaurant in Edmond. I ordered the Grilled, Lemon Pepper Chicken with Mashed Potatoes and Fresh Fruit. I really wanted chips and queso and a hamburger. But the Chicken meal was actually quite tasty. Jan got a salad- she also impresses me with her salad-eating.

I'm down 6 pounds and feeling good. My original goal was 10 lbs. by the middle of next week. Hopefully, I can reach that and then set my next goal.

One.

Step.

At.

A.

Time.

Can.

Feel.

Very.

Slow.

Perhaps weight loss is also a lesson in patience and persistence. I should know, being a classical pianist. It takes such a long time of slow practice to even be able to make Chopin sound half-decent. I'm working on the Revolutionary Etude for my recital. I don't know which is harder- losing weight or playing that monster. Okay, that was an easy answer- losing weight.

Practicing piano burns a few calories.

I'm trying to reduce my intake of red meat. Red-meat is not heart-healthy, I think. I really love it though. Hamburgers or Meatballs or Steak. Anything like that is delicious to me. BUT, especially with my family history, I need to be careful not to eat too much meat, as I have in the past. With my calorie counting and dieting I've really cut back on the amount of meat I eat. Protein is healthy, but there are other ways to fill your protein intake other than a delicious steak.

I wish I liked fish, but alas. I vomit just SMELLING it.

blig

2009-09-05T00:40:00.001-05:00

BOG!!!!!

y'all don't know what it's like bein' fat, middle-class and white

2009-09-03T23:16:00.000-05:00

I don't really feel like blogging, but I'm going to do it anyway.

Today was the 1st day that school stressed me out- really, school?? The 2nd class period?

I couldn't do my French homework because the audio links wouldn't work on Blackboard, because they are only compatible with Internet Explorer. Well, I deleted my Windows side, not a fortnight ago, to fix my Mac side so, I can't use Internet Explorer. I missed my workout yesterday due to being busy and then had to arise at 6am this morning, only to find a creative solution to getting my French homework done. I used the computer lab in the library and located an audio jack for my headphones.

Anyway, I have not lost anymore weight and it just ticks me off. This seemingly small French Fiasco, among other items in my life today, caused me to realize that not only is it painfully difficult to eat well and exercise, everything else is frustrating and complicated. There's just so much gen-ed reading, and there are recitals to stress out about. Not to mention how difficult it's been to balance my social life with everything else. Stressful.

Why can't stress make me lose weight?

It just blows my mind how easily one could float along through life never gaining weight. I know a lot of you people and have to admit I'm slightly jealous. Maybe God could give me an effort A and I could wake up skinny. Does this happen? I FEEL like I've worked so hard. I FEEL like I deserve to shed pounds by the tens over small periods of time.

Here are the foods I did NOT eat today, but wanted: hamburger, pizza, chips & queso, fast food of any kind, SC&O chips still, and Boneless Honey Barbeque Chicken Wings with Ranch.

I can't believe those OC students didn't know who the Vice President of the United States was.

Ruffles Sour Cream & Onion On My Mind

2009-09-02T21:45:00.000-05:00

I decided to go to Wal-Mart by myself tonight to get some groceries. As I filled up on the normal things, including the AMAZING Glade candles I hold so dear to my heart, Ruffles SC&O called my name. There was a special display and one big bag was on sale for $2.00. I stopped with my cart and stared up and considered for almost 2 minutes. I figured I could buy them, eat them really fast, and throw away the bag before James found out.

I didn't. I deserve a pat on the back.

They are so delicious though. Of course, chips just make you sick. Why would anyone ever eat them?? I wish I liked the healthier version of chips. They have all sorts of lower fat, and baked choices. I really just like the regular fatty kind, though. Otherwise, I won't eat chips. I guess that's good. No chips for me!

I'm going to give a shout-out to my boss Kim. I found out today she's doing all this CRAZY hard working out to lose 10 pounds. Good luck Kim!!!

And continued good luck to all of my readers who are working to lose weight and get strong!

As for my Wednesday goal of 5 pounds, I ended up losing 4.8, so, pretty close! I just ate pasta though, so I feel like a fatty right now.

I really love eating, and tasting food. I need to give that love up I think to be successful. I've also decided to go off carbonated beverages. I love them dearly. I give them up every now again for varying lengths of time, and ALWAYS feel healthier as a result. I sleep better, and my stomach doesn't feel sour. The problem, is that Coke is delicious. Coke, SC&O, and Hamburgers. I guess I'm reminiscing here, because those days are over!

And to finish out my night of eating, a 60-calorie chocolate/vanilla swirl pudding. It's ok tasting! Adam, Katie, and James are playing Rock Band 2, and I have homework so I really need to wrap this blog up.

On the Run: Literally

2009-08-31T21:48:00.000-05:00

What a busy day!!

Bailey T and I went just under 2.5 miles this morning on the treadmills. We're going in tomorrow to do the same if all goes as planned! Of course, I'm feeling like I might have pulled a muscle in one of my legs at some point today in all of my walking around campus. Hopefully I'll sleep it off!

I could only pull off about 25 minutes of Yoga and Strength Training on the Wii Fit this afternoon after classes. I know though, that the more consistent I am, the more I'll be able to do!

I was inspired to hear today in Jazz Band, that OC's beloved Jazz Director, Dr. Jones (husband of blog-reader 'Elizabeth') is planning on losing 40 pounds by February! Kudos to him and her as they work to burn the fat off, and of course ALL of my devoted readers.

I consumed approximately 1370 calories today. PLUS exactly 3 m&ms from Pattie's desk in the music office. Carly C. was there- she scooped me 3 and only 3, I PROMISE! I suppose that puts me up to about 1400- DANGIT!

Still...not bad, considering my previous eating habits. My plan is to keep as far under 2000 calories a day as possible.

I stayed pretty busy today, so snacking wasn't a big issue like it can be when I sit around too long.

One of my BIGGEST concerns right now is creating a routine. I want to exercise every day, so that it becomes normal! If I skip even one day, it's really difficult to get back on. I try and schedule my working out in advance- usually the night before. Any other thoughts/suggestions on how to do this?

I'm going to Arby's tomorrow for dinner with Katie V and some friends. Here's what I'll get: Regular Roast Beef Sandwich- 320 calories, SMALL curly fries: 360. This leaves me around 800 calories for lunch and breakfast. This PLANNING AHEAD will help me remember throughout the day tomorrow to save up 680 calories for dinner!

Goodnight!!!

Stair-master to Heaven

2009-08-30T22:19:00.000-05:00

Good evening readers! It's Sunday, I'm exhausted, and have to wake up super early, so my post will be shorter tonight!

In lieu of the tremendous response I've received (in comments, phone calls, messages, and e-mails), I'm going to do a quick shout-out* to some of you who are joining me in this health quest! Your feedback to me is priceless, and equally inspiring.

To:

Bailey T
Jan B
Megan B
Rachel M
Sandi S
Gary S
Adam B
Elizabeth J
Aliese K
Kim S
Roslyn D
Carol M
Lindy A
Susan R
Joy N
Mira M
Mira M's Roommate
and many more

...

Keep up the healthy lifestyles and work hard! Keep reading and commenting, as your comments and support encourage me and everyone else who reads my blog.

Having mutual goals as a community is SO empowering and I hope we can all celebrate the little victories with each other! Set small goals for yourselves and make the effort to reach them!

I'm hoping to get down 5 pounds by Wednesday, my one week mark. I don't know if this is realistic, but I am down about 2.5 pounds. We'll see! CHEER ME ON!!!!! NO FAST FOOD! NO SNACKING! LOTS OF WORKING OUT!

I'm getting up at 6:30am tomorrow to do an hour of treadmill cardio with my dear friend Bailey T before we go to our 1st day of school. We're going to pop in LOST Season 1!!! I'm hoping the time will fly, since I'm a huge LOST fan.

I haven't gotten up before 7 in a REALLY long time, so wish me luck! I'm also starting my final year at OC tomorrow!

side note:
First Class: BIOLOGY! I'm terrified. I don't know anyone in there other than this tool* that one of my best friends briefly dated last year. He doesn't know who I am. We probably definitely won't be lab partners.

1 Corinthians 6:19 (The Message Translation): Don't you see that you can't live however you please, squandering what God paid such a high price for? The physical part of you is not some piece of property belonging to the spiritual part of you. God owns the whole works. So let people see God in and through your body.

A prayer for weight loss, because I'm called to be healthy. We all are!

Thank you, Lord, for teaching me discipline.
Thank you, Lord, that I am free to be in charge of what I put in my body.
I choose to receive from You the strength I need to be faithful to my commitment to You.
Your strength fills me.
You show me that I can be responsible for what I choose to eat.
I will not be a slave to food any longer.
I am victorious because You are victorious!
In Jesus' name.
Amen.

*tool defined:

A person, typically male, who says or does things that cause you to give them a 'what-are-you-even-doing-here' look. The 'what-are-you-even-doing-here' look is classified by a glare in the tool's direction and is usually accompanied by muttering of how big of a tool they are. The tool is always making comments that are out-of-place, out-of-line or just plain stupid.

*shout out defined:

To acknowledge someone with respect

These are my confessions...

I bought a pack of Hostess Chocolate Cupcakes out of the vending machine at work on Thursday night. I was bored. Not hungry. Bad decision. I Wii Fit Hula Hooped it off this weekend, but still feel a little guilty. Those things are delicious. I'm sorry to let you all down.

Teach Your Children Not to Eat Fast Food

2009-08-29T21:25:00.003-05:00

*WARNING- READ ENTIRE BLOG, OR YOU MAY DECIDE TO STOP AND GET FAST FOOD BEFORE THE BLOG IS OVER*

As I’m writing this, there’s a group of students in the Nowlin Center watching Hannah Montana Movie Musical on the big screen. I don’t like Miley Cyrus or anything that comes out of her mouth.

Thesis statement:

The alleged convenience of fast food is not worth the negative effects that fast food will have on your body, spirit and mind.

First of all, I’d like to talk about the fast foods I’ve had a lifelong love affair with:

- Hamburgers. From McDonald’s. From Braums. Burger King. Really anywhere- hamburgers are the BEST. Can anyone argue that? I’m the human embodiment of the Hamburglar. I feel like I could stoop to thieving hamburgers. Now, I don’t know of a situation that would arise that would cause me to do that, but I’m sure it’s happened before. They’re just too delicious.

- French Fries. McDonald’s. Arby’s. Chik-Fil-A. What can I say about French Fries? They are golden brown, and crunch in my mouth with ketchup. Hosts of other places, really.

Hamburgers and French Fries. How could someone NOT want these things? They are just the most delicious. Not to mention the camaraderie that they most certainly require. The pairing of the 2 foods is…incontestable. A match made in culinary heaven. One cannot be without the other.

Burger & Fries.

Time to count calories- BOO!

McDonald’s Hamburger- 250 calories

McDonald’s Quarter Pounder w/Cheese- 510 calories

McDonald’s Medium French Fries- 380 calories

Braum’s 1/6 lb. Hamburger- 426 calories

Braum’s 1/3 lb. Hamburger- 730 calories

Burger King Whopper Jr.- 370 calories

Burger King Whopper- 670 calories

Burger King Medium French Fries- 480 calories

Arby’s Medium Curly Fries- 500 calories

Chik-Fil-A Medium Fries- 370 calories

Okay- let’s get real here. Let’s say I’m on a 1200-calorie/day diet. If I decide to eat a number 2 from McDonald’s (which includes a 210- calorie medium Coke), I’ve eaten 1100 of my calories for the entire day, which leaves me 100 calories…JUST SAY NO TO VALUE MEALS!

Anyways, I've found that one of the EASIEST ways to DIET is counting calories. Just the act of paying attention to how many calories you’re eating or drinking in a day can really help cut down on food intake!

Now, it’s also important to eat good foods- fruits, vegetables, etc… but sometimes UNHEALTHY food in a SMALL portion is the best you can do.

My challenge today for myself, and for my readers: No more medium or large fries. Always get small if you get any at all!

Thanks again for all of the comments- they are MAKING MY DAYS!

Snacking In the Middle of the Night

2009-08-28T17:51:00.000-05:00

Firstly, I’ve worked out over an hour every day since Monday. HALLELUJAH!

Secondly, I’ve been counting calories and have lost 2 lbs. It doesn’t feel like an accomplishment. 5 lbs. will though!

Okay- now for the blog:

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I gained weight before college just eating 2 square meals a day. Of course, what does that even mean?

Square meal: a filling and nourishing meal

I apologize- I just lied to you people. I did not eat nourishing meals in high school, unless you count a bagel and a coke for lunch, and taco bell for dinner… Well, that’s an exaggeration as well. I had home-cooked meals too. The thing is, my body doesn’t maintain weight UNLESS I work out and eat small portions. I automatically gain weight. In fact, I am capable of gaining 5 pounds in one day, and not being able to lose it for a week. It’s a curse.

Enough boo-hooing.

In college, friends eat. We eat all the time. We eat at any given social activity, and we eat when we study. We eat at rehearsals and in between rehearsals. It’s out of control.

Here is a breakdown of the kinds of eating I did freshman and sophomore year:

Breakfast- Not really- maybe a frappucino.

Lunch- Trying a little bit of everything in “the caf”…deciding it wasn’t that good. Maybe grabbing a cheeseburger from McDonald’s after that.

Dinner- Eating something in the caf again and maybe deciding to go out…again.

4^th meal- past 11pm- this is the time when me, David, Robbie, and James and a host of other people went out for fast food.

Various snacking.

Typical.

It’s really horrible- of course; this doesn’t effect some people physically the way it does others. I gained about 10 pounds my 1^st semester of school. Sophomore year, I shot up another 30 or so. And I worked out too…maybe twice a week.

NEWS FLASH: YOU AREN’T SUPPOSED TO EAT FOOD UP TO 3 HOURS BEFORE YOU GO TO BED.

You just can’t burn all of those calories in your sleep.

I’m trying to do this- this being, not eating after 10 or 11. It’s hard, because James eats food late all of the time. But I cannot let his habits be mine, just because we live together. Since a lot of my heavy-eating-tendencies are late at night, it’s important that I put a stop to late night eating. Doing this alone won’t solve my problems, but it will make a huge positive impact!

Join me!!!!

“Get Back to Where You Once Belonged- in size 8 jeans”

2009-08-27T23:44:00.000-05:00

Have you ever heard of a “little black dress”?

Let me define for those of you who might not know. The ownership of a "little black dress" is crucial to complete a proper female wardrobe. It needs to be short, but simple; sexy, but timeless.

Most girls have 1 (or 5). I am an accompanist, so I default to black dresses anyway. I almost bought my 6^th yesterday. It’s kind of an addiction. I LOVE BLACK DRESSES!

Black is slimming, and somehow, it’s sexy. How does a color become sexy? I don’t know how that works, but black is just sexy. LBDs are magical for fat bodies. They are magical for skinny bodies. Anyone could wear one anywhere. With a cardigan or with a jacket. With high heels or with diamonds. In a box or with a fox. The LBD is just…essential. I digress.

The reason I bring up the LBD is to segue to the “perfect jeans”.

Most of the ladies I know, have a pair of jeans (or 5) that they feel especially close to. We women have personal relationships with our clothing. We know them. We know why they work or don’t work for any given situation. We understand when we dress, the reactions we will or won’t get from men or women in our daily lives. Women just KNOW their clothes. It’s a funny thing that men probably don’t get (yikes- I just gender-stereotyped!).

For example: I could describe in detail every pair of jeans I’ve owned since about 2001. Here’s 3.

There were those mid-rise, size-10 medium-wash capris from Old Navy that I bought at the Grapevine Mills Mall in January of 8^th grade. I also bought a Small, Red, Ribbed- Tank, and Red, Heart-Designed Flip-Flops that same day.

How about those size-12, boot-cut, dark-wash Gap Jeans, with the wide belt loops I bought on sale for $19.99 in August of my freshmen year at OC? They were stolen from the Gunn Henderson Laundry Room (the one time I did laundry that year). I wore holes in those jeans in a short time.

But the real gem…

Size 8. Dark Wash. Tight. Extremely Low Rise. American Eagle. Slightly Flared. Totally Hot.

These were my very favorite jeans, because I bought them after losing a bunch of weight in 2002. They made me feel SO confident. Wearing them made me feel like no one could touch me. Of course, all the boys wanted to. I know they liked those jeans.

My point is, not since my freshman year, almost exactly 4 years ago this week, have I had “that favorite pair of jeans”, because at some point, nothing you wear can make you feel beautiful or sexy or confident when you’re too overweight.

Of course, I should note that true confidence and beauty comes from within. I really do believe that. But all of you musicians will agree with me, that dressing up, or wearing the best outfit really does so much for women (and maybe men…I don’t know!).

I STILL have those AE jeans from when I was 16. Maybe I’ll squeeze in them again sometime. To be able to put those on again would be…physically restricting, but metaphorically freeing. And totally hot.

I spent 1.5 hours working out today. I’m obsessed with Wii Fit. The trick is balancing it with school and piano starting next week. YIKES!

”We can work it out 5 times a week for at least 20 minutes.”

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*see note

Who knew you could feel the bliss of accomplishment after playing a video game? After all, video games are an excellent way to become a lazy-fatty. As I’m writing this, I’m sitting on the couch watching my husband play Super Mario World- ironic?

BUT, it’s okay that I’m sitting here watching him play video games because I just worked out for 40 minutes.

With a video game.

Wait. WHHHAAAAAAAAAAAT?! What is this nonsense you speak of? VIDEO GAME EXERCISE? Sounds CrAzY, Rebekah!!

I assure you- it’s not crazy! It’s called Wii Fit and it’s awesome!

Wii Fit. It’s really cool.

In the Wii Fit game, which the Parkers invested in,- yes, I would call it expensive enough to be an investment; of course, it’s an investment in my health and well being, so that’s really priceless, right? – any player can participate in numerous activities in 4 categories: Yoga, Strength Training, Aerobics, and Balance Games. The more you work out, the more challenging the activities can become, and the more new exciting games you can “unlock”.

I applaud Nintendo for coming up with this revolutionary idea.

One of the best things about the Wii Fit, is that it tracks your weight changes every time you play. What an excellent incentive- to be able to see my weight changes on a graph!

Now, since I’m divulging to you, my faithful followers, my weight loss tactics- I’m going to explain my workout regimen:

-I’m moving from 5 days a week to 7. Taking the weekend off of working out makes Monday so much harder.

-I’m doing app. 50 minutes of treadmill (in phase 6) in the mornings BEFORE all my classes. 6:30am anyone??

-I’m using the Wii Fit and my beloved exercise bike as purely supplementary exercise.

My biggest concerns right now:

a) Making myself get up in the morning and go to the treadmill in phase 6

a. Why would this be difficult?

i. My husband sleeps in and works at night

ii. I have trouble deciding what to wear- even to work out (Rebekah: “James, I have NOTHING TO WEAR!” James: “What about one of the 16 clean t-shirts in the closet?” Rebekah: “Those aren’t comfortable” or “I don’t like them” or “They don’t fit right” or “I can’t wear THOSE!” James: “……….”

iii. Working out means sweating, which means showering, which means, I have to dry my hair, which is a HUGE task

b) Actually working out 7 days a week

a. Why would this be difficult?

i. Saturdays.

ii. Sundays.

iii. No further explanation needed here.

Anyways, I’ve already been working out some, but my 7 days a week is starting this Sunday- the day before my senior year of college starts. I’m hoping it will be a landmark in my life history. The 1^st day of the rest of my life, working out every day.

I’m coinciding my new exercise regimen with my schoolwork this semester- going for all As this semester! I’m not quite as committed to that goal of course but…oh well.

School sucks.

* Thank you to everyone for commenting on my first post! I appreciate anything you have to say to me and reading your comments motivates me!

The Long and Winding Road to Being Healthy

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I feel like a wolf in sheep’s clothing and the sheep is fat. This isn’t news, though. I’ve felt this way for years- maybe even my whole life. I’ve become fat on the outside, while remaining quite in shape on the inside. In fact, my insides are in the best shape of their life so far (more on this later)! If only, the outside matched. Well, that’s kind of my goal (is that even realistic?)- to be able to present ‘the real Rebekah’ inside and out.

In the fashion of introductions, I have been on a diet for over 10 years. Well, that is, some form of a diet, and off and on since then. Some have worked, as I’ve been able to shed off up to 50 lbs. on occasion. Most haven’t though. This is the curse of my genes- the slow metabolism genes. In this blog, I’m going to attempt to put into words, the experiences that go hand-in-hand with weight loss.

As I chart my weight loss progress (and hopefully in return, receive mutual motivation), I will be working with percentages. This is the stat I’m giving you, my soon-to-be faithful readers, as I don’t prefer to say my weight just now. I am a lady for cryin’ out loud, and I get to keep some things personal. Here goes:

According to my weight-loss research, and based on my height/age/weight stats, I need to lose approximately 45% of my current weight, in order to be healthy.

45%.

What’s 45% of your weight? A lot, right? That is almost half of me. Imagine some other, evil Rebekah, running around, evading incarceration, constantly tricking and manipulating the “good Rebekah”… If only I could just catch the “evil one” and KILL IT! (Of course, please note, that I don’t believe in using guns or in the enforcing of the death penalty- even to kill an imposter half of my own body that I don’t want).

Moving on: I can hardly fathom nearly half of my body being

evaporated away or sweat off.

How does one go about this, you might ask??

Exercise. Healthy eating. 2 things. 2, seemingly simple things, albeit, 2 seemingly simple things, that will put into motion the changing of my entire life.

This is my weight loss tale. Whoever guesses the song reference of the day (title, song & artist), will win some sort of prize, to be determined by me and only me. They’ll get harder.

Please join me in this blog-venture, as I explore and subsequently spill my past, present, and future, in an attempt to motivate the crap out of myself.

Or at least all of the fat.