i am not the Human Of The Year because i'm fat

I've been doing a bit of decorating this weekend.  The walls in Phase 6 are SO white, and the floor is SO boring.  Too bad we're not allowed to paint.  I could do SO much more.  BUT, I won't be here too long.  I've come to the conclusion that it's harder to make a Phase 6 apartment look homy, than it is for a Phase 2 apartment.  The ceilings are higher and there's more awkward wall space.





I lost like, half a pound yesterday.  It doesn't feel like much though.  It will be interesting to weigh in in the morning tomorrow at Steelman to see how the weekend treated me.  By the way, I've been sick all weekend.  Since Thursday, really.  I hope I recover by tomorrow because I need my strength and energy for practicing.



And for school, I guess.




I always wonder WHERE I'm losing weight.  Which part of my body is actually losing poundage?  It's hard to tell until you hit about -20 lbs. I think.




I mean, I would hope that the weight that's going away is from my stomach or my legs or something like that- "The Problem Areas".  It's probably from my boobs though.  I'll probably lose like, 8 pounds from my boobs and everything else will stay the same.  That would be so infuriating.





Nobody CARES if you have big boobs.  Just big anything else is considered to be an embarrassment.  Too bad about that.




Too bad.

When I Throw Up, I Want to be Famous, I Want to be a Star, I Want to be in Movies

Just to clarify:



Artists I love, that I've used in blog titles in the past: Garth Brooks, Queen, Keith Urban, Beyonce, The Temptations, Elton John, Pink Floyd, Michael Jackson, N'Sync, Ben Folds, Ray Charles, Led Zeppelin, Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young, Billy Joel, The Beatles





Artists I don't like at all but the song title was too humorous and relevant to pass up: The Pussycat Dolls






It's very obvious that this daily shot I'm getting has hormones in it.  I cried when I got in my car on the way home from Steelman this morning.  I was excited and even tweeted about how I've lost 4 pounds since yesterday afternoon.  It must have been a happy cry.  Of course, I bawled the first 30 minutes of Grey's last night...





Do you know what?  I deserve to lose 4 pounds.  I deserve that.  Now I just need to lose 4 pounds like, 17 more times.  EASY!





Now, in reference to my title...




I barfed up my multi-vitamin last night.  AND of course, it was like the 1st 3 minutes of Grey's.  Luckily for me, being an avid Grey's Anatomy fan, I'd already seen ABC's 1st Look, which was the 1st 5 minutes of the season premiere.  Thank goodness!  But this vitamin...it's disgusting.  It's the biggest, smelliest, most disgusting pill I've ever encountered in all of my drugging.  I talked to the doctor about it this morning and she said I can get some over-the-counter Centrum, and that might be easier to take.



I ate a chicken breast yesterday.  Half at lunch, and half at dinner.  I seasoned it with garlic & herbs.  It was okay.  I had lettuce and half of a banana at lunch, and then lettuce/tomato with the OTHER half of the banana for dinner.



500 calories/day.






That's it!  Also, I had a black tea from Starbucks, and half of a Diet Dr. Pepper.  I HAD to get that nasty pill and vomit taste out of my mouth so I resorted to a Diet Dr. Pepper.  Now, I still consider diet sodas to be a disgusting joke, but as they are allowed on my diet, I didn't have anywhere else to turn for something potent.  No juice, no coke, no alcohol.  BUT tea, coffee, and diet drinks are okay.  Sigh.






I tried to steal an ice-cream sandwich from James last night.  He came and sat in my lap and when I realized he was eating an ice-cream sandwich-  I said "GIVE THAT HERE!  I'M GOING TO EAT THAT ICE-CREAM SANDWICH FORTHWITH!"  He didn't.  I didn't eat the sandwich.  I really wasn't hungry though.  Then I got a Diet Dr. Pepper.







Hopefully Centrum vitamins won't come back out of my mouth when I take them.  Anyone ever tried them?  Are they difficult to take?

The Thunder texas roadhouse Rolls are delicious

As much as I don't want to stop loading, I'm really sick of loading.  TODAY is the new diet!!



House Season Premiere was AWESOME!  Adam and Talia came over to watch it with me, and then James, Niki, and Katy joined us before Robbie joined us all and we got ICE CREEEEEAM (my last)!

After being penetrated by 5 needles this week already, I'm ready to start LOSING pounds off of my body.  I would like to lose them in my thighs.  Also in my stomach.  I would lose them with a fox and I would lose them in a box.  I would lose them in a house; I would lose them with a mouse.  I would lose them here or there; I would lose them ANYWHERE!









I made my lunch and dinner portion of meat this morning.  Chicken Breast with garlic & herb seasoning.  I'll eat 3.5 oz. at lunch, and the rest at dinner.  I'm also going to have a salad with tomatoes and lettuce, and a banana today.  I wish I could eat carrots and green beans on this diet.  The vegetables available to me are: spinach, chard, chicory, beet-greens, green salads, tomatoes, celery, fennel, onions, red radishes, cucumbers, asparagus, cabbage, broccoli, cauliflower or zucchini.

YUCK!

Oh well.  I guess I'll just have to get used to it.




I had 2 hamburgers yesterday.  They were delicious.  One was at Braum's for lunch with Katie, and the other was Texas Roadhouse with James.  James and I also ate 3 baskets of rolls.  I know, I know... but I was supposed to be loading.  That's it!  My last bread for over 2 months.  Of course, it was totally delicious.  Texas Roadhouse rolls were a good way to go.

We'll see how today goes.  It will probably suck, but Grey's Anatomy starts tonight, so I will be sure to take some consolation there.

Fat-Bottomed Girls: the shots don't hurt for us!

So, I feel a little bit guilty, but I'm supposed to be "loading" until Thursday, which is the official 1st day of my 500-calorie/day diet.  "Loading" is eating foods (even high-fat), for the 1st 3 days I'm on the shots and the pills. This ensures that my fat cells and appetite center in the brain are receiving adequate calories at the same time as they're being programmed by the HCG.





If you REALLY want more information on this, I'd be happy to tell you but for the sake of my blog's entertainment purposes...I won't go much further into detail.





So, I went to the Steelman Clinic yesterday for my 1st day.  They drew blood for a lab, which hurt horribly (it always does).  My arm was tingly all day.  But then, I got the 1st SHOT right at the top of my butt and I could hardly feel it.  This may or may not be because I'm bootylicious.  I'm not sure.  Theories are welcome.



I'm so excited that the shot didn't really hurt.  That will make this diet a piece of cake, right?... haha...yeah right.




I'll be going in 5 times a week for a shot.  I'm also taking a multi-vitamin BOLUS, potassium, and calcium supplements.  I'm going to be cutting pretty much all dairy, pasta, sweets, bread, and fatty foods.  Should be interesting.




I wasn't sure whether to be hopeful or just annoyed at all of the THIN women in the waiting room at Steelman.  Had they BECOME thin on the program?  Were they just thin and THOUGHT they needed to lose weight?  I'm not sure.




I found out that former EMHS principal, Kyle Heath, lost 75 lbs. on this program.  Random, right?  Does anyone remember the Kyle's Kid's Klub sign that was made sometime junior year?




Grey's Anatomy starts on Thursday night and I'm PUMPED!  Watch party at my house if you all want to come over!  I might pull out my WiiFit and step during the show, or maybe my stationary bike.




** Someone remind me to do this during the show!  **




Remember when I was afraid to weigh myself on Saturday (or whenever that was)?  I was 2.5 lbs. down!








Jan B. has lost 11 lbs. and is looking like a HOT MAMA!




Also, OC's very own Dr. Heath J. has lost at least 28 lbs. since the summertime!  He and Elizabeth J. are working really hard to get healthy.  props to them.





A tip Dr. J. gave me: eat spicy foods.  Apparently they boost your metabolism!





Anyone else made any exciting progress?  Please comment!

Who Wouldn't Want to Be Me? A skinny person.

I'm coming clean tonight, readers.  I have not stuck to my diet and exercise very well this week.  The exercise has kind of been non-existent, and the eating has been a little more relaxed than normal.  This is due to me being uncommitted, slightly stressed, tired from school, and just a little bit unorganized.  I usually weigh-in every day, but I haven't since Sunday because I'm too scared.  I don't want to know how much I may have gained.




In light of that bad news, I DO have an exciting announcement.  I'm going BACK to the Steelman Clinic starting Monday morning.  James and I have been saving up and will be able to pay for the whole 10-week program up front, which is really cool, because I stopped going last time because of money.





I originally went to the Steelman Clinic with my Mom back in 2007.  I lost 20 lbs. the 1st half of the program, but we couldn't afford to keep going and a lot of crazy stuff was going down during that time in my life.  So...I quit going, and over the next year gained back the 20 lbs. + about another 20.





The program I'm enrolled in is specifically for people who have over 40 lbs to lose.  It's a different program than the one I was on before- more intense.  I have 2 options- the daily sublingual drops, or the daily shots.  I am going to ask the doctor on Monday which one is most effective and go with that.  If I go with the shots, I will see the doctor app. 5 times a week.  Anyways, the clinic does lab-work and follows my progress and cholesterol and all sorts of stuff like that.  I will also be eating off a very specific, low-cal, diet plan.





I'm feeling a bit optimistic about this- especially after how badly this week went.  We talked about me going to Steelman again this past summer, but it's finally a reality, which is really awesome.





I will let you all know how it goes on Monday and what I'm going to be eating and such!  It's going to be good to get back on with a new program and all.  I'm excited for the strict rules...






Challenge for you all:  Cut ONE, SPECIFIC, UNHEALTHY, food/drink COMPLETELY out of your diet the next month, and see how it effects your health!  Some popular examples would be: French Fries, Coke, Chips, or Beer.  I lost about 8 lbs. once a few years ago when I gave up Coca Cola for a couple of weeks.  I was drinking A LOT of Coke back then...




Happy living!

I Can't Wait to Put My Freakum Dress On

In the wise words of Beyoncé Knowles:


hold out your back; time to impress
pull out your freakum dress

Oh--- put your freakum dress on

Oh--- put your freakum dress on

Oh--- put your freakum dress on

Oh--- put your freakum dress on

every woman's got one
shut it down when the time's come
pull out the big gun and
put your freakum dress on





Now, *The Golden Dress* is not, by definition a freakum dress.  I will be purchasing a freakum dress (no doubt) when I reach my goal.  Or maybe, I'll get it before then and have it READY for the goal.  The idea of going out to buy a new freakum dress in a size 8 is really cheering me up.  I should save up.  I'm going to save up and go get it.  Because when you put it on it's an invitation, when they play your song get on up and shake it, work it out your back you don't have to waste it, spin it all around then take it to the ground...

I digress.

*commence living room dancing to Beyoncé*

I digressed again!  Okay, now I'm back.  3:15 of working out right there folks!  YES!

MAY I PRESENT TO YOU...THE GOLDEN DRESS!

Now, there are MANY reasons I'm obsessed with this dress:

1. Two of my favorite pictures of Buster are the pictures where I'm wearing this dress.  I feel like I match his golden fur and I just love it.  He was the best dog, as you all know.
2. It's a size 6.  Anyone wish for that?  I'm guessing so.  OH, to be smashed into a size 6.  I'd do a lot for that (except workout and eat right).
3. It's just a beautiful gown.  I've never seen another person wear that dress.  It's unique to my taste and I loved being special and solo in my wearing of that dress (the ONE time I wore it).
4. It was expensive.
5. I look like a beautiful princess in the gown.  Very royal.

IF I ever reach my goal (it's never going to happen, I'm hopeless and drowning in despair), I will be wearing that dress.

To wherever I need to go on that day.

I'll wear the golden dress during the day.

And 

put 

my 

freakum 

dress 

on 

that 

night...

Ladies, look here.  When you've been with your man for a long time, every now and then you gotta go in the back of your closet and pull out that freakum dress...

Writing this blog just cheered me up.  I was very depressed when I started it out.

Ain't Too Proud to Beg for Another Sunkist

There was a serious lack of comments on my last blog.  So, I left a couple of days to give you all a chance to comment, but alas...  Come on, people!  Don't leave me hanging.



I'm feeling lackadaisical about writing this blog tonight.  This may be related to the lack of comments on my last blog.  This may be related to my mediocre attempts at accomplishing any weight loss between Saturday night and Monday.  I slacked a little.  It's probably a combination of both.



I also had a breakdown tonight concerning my Philosophy homework.  I spent quite some time reading something I was not comprehending.  Not only is the subject matter complicated, but, the textbook is very confusing to me.  It's a guy who writes about a guy who explains why this other guy's opinions are wrong.  I hate it.  I finished about 1/3rd of the reading/questions, and will try to finish it tomorrow at the Nowlin.



I don't like not being good at things.  Here are the things I suck at:


Philosophy Homework


Losing Weight


Playing the Trumpet


Commitment


Math




I'm pretty much the best at everything else.  ; )  (not really)




Anyway, I'm a little behind on everything right now.  This makes my mental state a little bit fried, thus the lack of focus in this blog.  I haven't finished making my huge practice chart for piano.  I need to do this, so that I can make sure and practice the right things at the right time.  I have thousands of measures of difficult music to learn in a really short period of time and I need to get on it.  Plus, I have to balance all of this with my social life.  That is difficult, as many of my friends are no longer college students.  It changes things a bit.



I'm going back to the Steelman Clinic starting probably next week.  This is the place I went for a couple of months in 2007, and as a result, lost about 20 lbs.  This time, I'm doing the more strenuous program they have.  There are daily shots, and the diet consists of  500 calories/day.  It's intense, but I'm excited.  I'll write another blog soon with more details about Steelman Clinic...




I drank a can of Sunkist Orange really fast (apparently) on Sunday night.  On the way out the door to go to Wal-Mart with Robbie, James noticed I already had a second can I was about to open.  I really wanted to drink it.  He took it from me.  Even though I asked really nicely for it back.  And subsequently begged.  I suppose it's fine that I didn't drink it.

I Would Like to be a Tiny Dancer

Good evening friends!




I really love to dance.  I think that if you don't know that about me, then we really probably don't really know each other.  To me, dancing represents freedom.  It's the physical way of expressing or interpreting music.  Plus, I have some pretty dope moves.  Now, don't get me wrong, my brain enjoys analyzing every note and rhythm of every song ever composed, but moving my body to that music is just...well, it's freedom.  It's a different way of enjoying music.




I suppose that not everyone is born with "rhythm".  These people don't usually like to dance or sometimes even don't like music because they can't "feel it".  Some of these people go to our church.  They do not like the Instrumental Service.  I am not one of these people.  I know them, though.  I feel pity for them, because my inner-rhythm is such an immense and vibrant part of my existence.



I have this theory, that people don't like to watch fat people dance.  Unless they're making fun of fat people- which makes sense, I suppose (as harsh as it may sound).  It's just kind of gross, for obvious reasons.  THIS is another excellent reason (among many) for me to continue working my butt off (literally) to lose this weight.  Of course, I had a huge butt when I weighed 80 lbs. less than I do now.  It won't go away.  It won't be worked off.





*Sigh*






Now, somehow, I have maintained much more confidence (at least, in spurts) than the average obese person typically does after gaining a lot of weight.  I'm a performer, after all, and I'm extremely gifted.  This keeps me feeling like I'm legitimate- like I have a reason to be confident.  Whether or not that's true is a matter of opinion.  Of course, that comes and goes, like it does for most people.  So, I haven't ever stopped dancing even though I became fat at some point.  I just can't help it.





I DO however, have a slight sense of embarrassment or self-consciousness when I break out into dances at various times & places, because of my weight now.  Something I didn't have before.  So the question is, how could anyone TRULY enjoy dancing, if they're overweight?  They can't.  Because it's a little embarrassing.  And if dancing is about freedom, then how could self-consciousness be involved?  The freedom is diminished.  I miss it.




There is a particular video of a Magrill party from high school and I'm dancing and smiling with some people.  I'm not sure who was filming but for some reason the camera is on me for a little too long.  It may be New Year's or Talia's birthday (anyone remember?)  It's the one, where we're dancing where the grand piano is now, and I think I'm wearing a green shirt.  There's music playing.  Possibly, junior year.  And, I remember that night very well- I had no inhibitions or reasons to be embarrassed.  Now, this wasn't the "skinniest" point in my life, but it was app. 70 lbs. down from my current state.  I was very cute, and having so much fun.  I try to look at this as one possible source of inspiration.  I was not concerned with the world around me in that moment.



I was IN it.


Dancing.


For hours.


With total abandon for any bodily limitations.


I didn't have any.







Freedom.











These little things keep me moving toward my goals.  They say to have skinny pictures of yourself to look at every day helps with motivation.  This is true as well.  Remember those size 8 jeans?  I have pictures of myself wearing them.  New Year's Party.  Van Osdol's Release Party.  Quail Talent Show.  There's also ***the golden dress***.  No time to go into detail there, but you all know how much I want to put that dress on again.

If I Were a Boy, Picking Clothes Out Everyday Would Be a Simpler Process

I've stolen the 1st part of my blog from a link that my dear friend Niki sent me.  I enjoyed reading it and feel that at least one of these could relate to several of my readers!

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

1. SNACK, BUT SMARTLY

Grazing between meals used to be on the weight-loss hit list. But nutritionists now know that it's better to satisfy a craving with healthy grub than ignore it and risk a junk-food binge later. The best picks are filling, protein-packed snacks, such as one stick of string cheese, a tablespoon of peanut butter on a piece of fruit, or a medium-size bowl of edamame.

2. TURN OFF THE TV

Dining while viewing can make you take in 40 percent more calories than usual, reports a new study. And texting, driving, or any other distracting activity during a meal can also result in your eating too much. Instead, make each meal something you put on a plate and sit down to, even if you're eating solo.

3. STEP ON THE SCALE DAILY

If your regular weight increases several days in a row, it's a red flag letting you know you need to cut back a little or beef up your workouts slightly.

4. SCULPT THREE TIMES A WEEK

Doing 5 minutes each of push-ups, lunges, and squats (in 30-second intervals) will help build and maintain muscle mass. The more muscle you have, the higher your metabolism will be, so you'll torch more calories as you go about your day.

5. REACH FOR YOUR CELL

Next time your mind gets stuck on a certain food, call a friend and redirect your brain by asking how her day's going. Research shows that cravings only last about 5 minutes, so by the time you hang up, the urge to devour junk will have subsided.

6. EAT A BIG, BALANCED BREAKFAST

An a.m. meal made up mostly of carbs and protein with some fat keeps blood-sugar levels steady and hunger pangs away so you're not susceptible to pigging out come lunch, studies show. Opt for something satisfying for your stomach and taste buds — like egg whites and turkey bacon with whole-wheat toast.

7. WATCH THE BOOZE

One innocent-looking margarita or cosmopolitan can rack up hundreds of calories that do nothing to quench your appetite. Treat yourself just on the weekends and cut back somewhere else or stick to a glass of wine, light beer, or vodka and soda — three drinks that each have about 100 calories per serving.

8. HAVE FRUIT TWICE A DAY

Fruit has no fat and is mostly water, so it'll fill you up while leaving less room on your plate (and in your stomach) for high-cal fare. Don't freak about fruit's carb count — we're talking the good kind of carbohydrates that contain lots of healthy fiber.

9. STAY ASLEEP LONGER

Getting to bed just 30 minutes earlier and waking up 30 minutes later than you normally do can help you make better food choices, researchers report. Also, when you're well-rested, you're less prone to snacking out of fatigue or stress.

10. VISUALIZE YOURSELF THIN

When you feel your willpower breaking, conjure up a mental picture of yourself when you looked and felt slim. The visual motivation keeps you focused on your goal weight and reminds you that it isattainable, since you've achieved it before.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

In other news...

Nothing new really.  I'm still basically at the same weight as last time (4ish days ago).  I'm working out in the morning with Bailey.  That will be good.  

School is stressing me out.  I'm just not cut out for anything other than music.  It's what I'm good at.  Plus, I HATE getting called on in class.  It doesn't matter what class, really.  I freeze up and get really nervous.  I can't do public speaking either.  Why is this?  At what point in my life did this happen?  I perform all of the time, so I'm not sure why I get nervous talking in front of people.  Anyways, my back is feeling tense when I leave my classes- probably due to a lot of things: the pressures of being in a class where I might get called on, my backpack is heavy, and I'm overweight.  They all play a part.

Last night we played Beatles Rock Band (which was released yesterday).  We had a copy on reserve.  I made healthy foods and set them up and had [James], Adam, Cayla, Katie, Robbie, SB, and Niki over.  Katie and I made Parmesan Bruschetta, Fruit-Topped Ritz with Pineapple Cream Cheese and some other stuff.  We all took turns playing and singing and had a really good time.  I can't wait to get all my practicing and homework for this weekend accomplished, so that I can play some more!  DIG A PONY!

I'm exhausted again.  Getting up before 7am every day is...Well, my feelings on this are so strong that I'm now speechless.  

Getting up before 7am every day is you fill in the blank.  Be creative!

My Feet Have Become (Un?) Comfortably Numb

I worked out like, 3 times today.  I also ate Chinese Food for dinner.  I don't think it will end up balancing out, unfortunately.  I DID, however, abstain from cokes today.  Well, mostly.  I got a Coke with my Jimmy John's and drank about 1/3 of it and then gave it to James to take away.  Which really, for me, is abstaining from cokes.  I could drink Coke all day.  I mean, just sip on it ALL day.



My feet are burning.  They just BURN.  I have good shoes for exercising too.  I came to the conclusion about 30 pounds ago though, that once you're a certain weight, your feet just HURT.  Everything hurts them.  Wearing shoes, not wearing shoes, wearing sandals...I actually can't wear heels anymore- not that I was a pro before all of the weight gain, but still.  I like dressing up but it always feels pointless once I remember that I don't have shoes to wear that look good.  I usually wear flip-flops, because my feet are more claustrophobic than they are in pain.



I bought Dr. Scholl's heel-specific insole things for the wedding day and put them in my gorgeous shoes.  It was a WASTE of money.  When we were up there for the ceremony, I could FEEL my legs just trembling underneath my (thankfully) large and rather puffy wedding dress.  I was doing some major shifting of the weight under there.  I have such good stage presence.  That's the only way I got through that.



I suppose that being a performer makes you able to deal with that kind of situation.  I can think of a number of shows and performances where I was having a costume malfunction or just painful shoes on my feet, but I didn't let the audience know!




If you have EVER lived with me or spent enough time around me, you'll know that as soon as I get home from anywhere, I just take things off.  Especially shoes- they are the 1st to go.  My feet just don't like shoes- possibly because they hurt.  Of course, I wore flip-flops year round when I was "skinny", but I think that was because I was kind of a casual dresser at that time in my life.




So the irony of this whole thing, is that the more you weigh, the more it HURTS to walk (even short distances) or to exercise, which in turn, makes it feel horribly impossible to do.




I think to myself, "If only I weighed xxx lbs., then I would work out ALL the time without a problem!"  But I'm pretty sure working-out is a struggle for people of all weights.  Of course, I would love to work out and NOT be in pain.  Eh, whatever- I'm far from that ever happening again.  One.  Tiny.   Step.   At.   A.   Time.   (boo!)




* insert joke to end blog light-heartedly *

I Don't Really Like The woMan in the Mirror

Happy Sunday, everyone!


I'm here, working in the Nowlin Center from 8-12 tonight.  It looks like it's going to be an exciting night.  When I arrived at what I think was about 7:57, there were 1700 people lined up at the door tapping their toes at me... no I'm actually exaggerating.  In fact, one of my readers Amy B., was here!  I think she was retrieving something from the printer.



But seriously, I think they should just have the Nowlin open ALL DAY on Sunday.  We OC students shouldn't have to conform to a schedule that a few popular churches keep.  Not even HALF of the undergraduate students here attend CoCs in the area on Sunday or Wednesday nights, so why on earth would we shut down for 6 extra hours a week?   It's beyond me.



Keep the Nowlin Open All Day on Sunday and Wednesday!!!!!




Now that you know how I really feel...




I may have taken in a few extra carbs this weekend.  I've stayed at/under my calories for the day, but I really need to step it up tomorrow on my workouts!!!!!!



Tomorrow I'm going to practice 2:30- 4:00.  Then I'm going workout after band at 5:00.  Yes- it's a plan!


---------
Now for some shout-outs:
---------

- one of my best friends, Bailey T., has a WONDERFUL blog : Midwest Meets Manhattan

- a friend from high school, Emily K. just graduated and is on track to be a dietician.  She gave me a tip for a legit cookbook: The Healthy Beef Cookbook.  Hopefully, she can help me and you all in turn, distinguish some myths from truths about everyday nutrition!

- Jan B., my mom, has shed a whopping 4 lbs. this week.  I'm very proud of her.






So, one of my brothers, Adam, just ordered and began the P90x workout system.  He showed it to us today and it's awesome!  I don't know if I would ever be strong enough to even ATTEMPT the kind of crazy they have going on.  He is going to be SUPER BUFF in 90 days if all goes according to plan!

Tearin' Up My Heart Eating Large Quantities of Red Meat

James is making me write a blog of legitimacy after last night's blog. I was really out of it.   Just not in the sentence-forming mood.  Wow, that last sentence wasn't even a sentence.






I'm writing early today because I'm about to leave for my LAST OC Band Retreat. So, I'll be out of town tonight, roughing it out in Geary, Oklahoma with a bunch of band nerds. They really are nerds, but I guess that's okay, because I am kind of a nerd myself. What am I even saying? I'm a complete nerd- I'm BLOGGING for cryin' out loud!








A shout-out to my friend Elizabeth J., who is celebrating her birthday today! Elizabeth has lost 5 pounds in her weight loss goal recently- congrats!








Jan, Bethany and I played WiiFit last night and had a great time.  First we went to Louie's, which is a delicious restaurant in Edmond.  I ordered the Grilled, Lemon Pepper Chicken with Mashed Potatoes and Fresh Fruit.  I really wanted chips and queso and a hamburger.  But the Chicken meal was actually quite tasty.  Jan got a salad- she also impresses me with her salad-eating.








I'm down 6 pounds and feeling good.  My original goal was 10 lbs. by the middle of next week.  Hopefully, I can reach that and then set my next goal.








One.




Step.




At.




A.




Time.




Can.




Feel.




Very.




Slow.








Perhaps weight loss is also a lesson in patience and persistence.  I should know, being a classical pianist. It takes such a long time of slow practice to even be able to make Chopin sound half-decent.  I'm working on the Revolutionary Etude for my recital.  I don't know which is harder- losing weight or playing that monster.  Okay, that was an easy answer- losing weight.






Practicing piano burns a few calories.






I'm trying to reduce my intake of red meat.  Red-meat is not heart-healthy, I think.  I really love it though.  Hamburgers or Meatballs or Steak.  Anything like that is delicious to me.  BUT, especially with my family history, I need to be careful not to eat too much meat, as I have in the past.  With my calorie counting and dieting I've really cut back on the amount of meat I eat.  Protein is healthy, but there are other ways to fill your protein intake other than a delicious steak.












I wish I liked fish, but alas.  I vomit just SMELLING it.

blig

BOG!!!!!

y'all don't know what it's like bein' fat, middle-class and white

I don't really feel like blogging, but I'm going to do it anyway.


Today was the 1st day that school stressed me out- really, school??  The 2nd class period?



I couldn't do my French homework because the audio links wouldn't work on Blackboard, because they are only compatible with Internet Explorer.  Well, I deleted my Windows side, not a fortnight ago, to fix my Mac side so, I can't use Internet Explorer.   I missed my workout yesterday due to being busy and then had to arise at 6am this morning, only to find a creative solution to getting my French homework done.  I used the computer lab in the library and located an audio jack for my headphones.



Anyway, I have not lost anymore weight and it just ticks me off.  This seemingly small French Fiasco, among other items in my life today, caused me to realize that not only is it painfully difficult to eat well and exercise, everything else is frustrating and complicated.  There's just so much gen-ed reading, and there are recitals to stress out about.  Not to mention how difficult it's been to balance my social life with everything else.  Stressful.



Why can't stress make me lose weight?



It just blows my mind how easily one could float along through life never gaining weight.  I know a lot of you people and have to admit I'm slightly jealous.  Maybe God could give me an effort A and I could wake up skinny.  Does this happen?  I FEEL like I've worked so hard.  I FEEL like I deserve to shed pounds by the tens over small periods of time.



Here are the foods I did NOT eat today, but wanted: hamburger, pizza, chips & queso, fast food of any kind, SC&O chips still, and Boneless Honey Barbeque Chicken Wings with Ranch.








I can't believe those OC students didn't know who the Vice President of the United States was.

Ruffles Sour Cream & Onion On My Mind

I decided to go to Wal-Mart by myself tonight to get some groceries.  As I filled up on the normal things, including the AMAZING Glade candles I hold so dear to my heart, Ruffles SC&O called my name.  There was a special display and one big bag was on sale for $2.00.   I stopped with my cart and stared up and considered for almost 2 minutes.  I figured I could buy them, eat them really fast, and throw away the bag before James found out.





I didn't.  I deserve a pat on the back.





They are so delicious though.  Of course, chips just make you sick.  Why would anyone ever eat them??  I wish I liked the healthier version of chips.  They have all sorts of lower fat, and baked choices.  I really just like the regular fatty kind, though.  Otherwise, I won't eat chips.  I guess that's good.  No chips for me!






I'm going to give a shout-out to my boss Kim.  I found out today she's doing all this CRAZY hard working out to lose 10 pounds.  Good luck Kim!!!




And continued good luck to all of my readers who are working to lose weight and get strong!





As for my Wednesday goal of 5 pounds, I ended up losing 4.8, so, pretty close!  I just ate pasta though, so I feel like a fatty right now.





I really love eating, and tasting food.  I need to give that love up I think to be successful.  I've also decided to go off carbonated beverages.  I love them dearly.  I give them up every now again for varying lengths of time, and ALWAYS feel healthier as a result.  I sleep better, and my stomach doesn't feel sour.  The problem, is that Coke is delicious.  Coke, SC&O, and Hamburgers.  I guess I'm reminiscing here, because those days are over!






And to finish out my night of eating, a 60-calorie chocolate/vanilla swirl pudding.  It's ok tasting!  Adam, Katie, and James are playing Rock Band 2, and I have homework so I really need to wrap this blog up.